Self Image
So Julie asked me awhile ago what I look like inside my head--like what I think I look like without looking in a mirror. I've been mulling this over lately and I'm not quite sure what I look like. My hair's a little redder, I'm a little fatter than I really am(die you self-hating beauty-magazine-loving media-people!) and my nose is a little more bumpy/bulbous than it really is. This is kind of disconcerting. I know I'm prettier than the image in my head, but I really do think that the U.S.'s definition of beauty has infiltrated the lower echelons of my psyche and lodged there to stay.This is rather disturbing to me. I know my nose isn't that big, but the "Montgomery bump" has always irritated me, so much so that I rub it when I'm not thinking trying to wear the bone down. Self inflicted rhinoplasty by way of wear-and-tear doesn't work.
And I'm not that fat. I have gained weight over the last three years which was kind of a surprise, as I made it a point to avoid stepping on a scale for about two and a half of those years because I thought it would make me rather obsessive and self-conscious if I owned a bathroom scale. I was right.
However, my hair, my eyes, and my feet are perfect in my head, just like they are in real life!
So I got to thinking about it in a Shallow Hal kind of way. What if we could see everybody as they saw themselves? Those who have self-confidence would be beautiful, sparkly people, but I think the majority of people would be rather blah. Having your real insides exposed would be a shock and a treat, though. We'd be able to tell who was a jerkoff and who was a genuinely nice person just with one glance.
When I can create my own worlds, I'll see what I can do about that. And I'll banish mosquitoes forever.
posted by Lindsey @ 8:45 AM
7 Comments:
hmmm...Good question - good thoughts. I've always done external imaginations - picture a room...your place of retreat. That kind of stuff....but my guts? I'd really have to think about that - I guess I try not to because I feel somewhat guilty if I do.... Growing up being told, "Vanity: thy name is L***" from Mom made sure that I knew that external beauty & spending time on my self was a worldly, and therefore unworthy, occupation. And so if you think you're pretty, does that have to mean you're egocentric? It would be so much easier if you could just have your guts bared out all naked! Wouldn't give us as much room to make our mistakes and misjudgements that give life that zest of lemon! Sour, but can be sweet. And besides I think you just might allow those mosquitoes to help those "jerkoff"s suffer - and those of us who aren't, well - how can we get too proud with those blasted itchy little hills marring our beauteous flesh???
(And I see absolutely nothing wrong with your nose - it's actually the more perfect and smaller version of Day's - and it's very similar to Ric's too. Plus it gives you that one edge that they don't: the in-common with Grandandy!!! Aren't you blessed to be a Field all over with just that little reminder that those Monty's just have to have their say in the matter!!!!)
Love ya kiddo!
good question. Some days I'm 25, and beautiful. Some days inside I look like myself but at 65. I've learned if I have to go out on the "65" days to wear my favorite stuff and then I feel good again.
It's always a shock to me when I see myself as beautiful, and on those days I revel in it! Sure fashion mags say "be this" but for some reason society has also taught us as women that it's not ok to be happy with how you look.
Lately I've been feeling fat and hairy... feeling fat is completely new to me... so every chance i get to believe that I'm beautiful I'm gonna shout it out!
Hey Monty girls... We're ALL GORGEOUS!!!
Hi, I found your blog through your recent comments. I enjoy your posts, and your point today was well-taken. I meant to convey the point that so many women, particularly in Manhattan, are obsessed with marrying "wealthy," without much heed for the actual character of the man, or their own independent lives. I respect that you intervened with your friend's marriage, I'm in the same situation now and haven't had the courage to speak up.
Best,
O
Thanks for your comment and not taking what I said the wrong way.
Perhaps it's our wildly different settings that change our views, but perhaps your friend is just waiting for someone to corroborate the things she's already noticed about her intended. She may get offended, she may think you're wrong, but as my mother always said, keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut after. Perhaps your friends eyes aren't quite open enough.
I also have to say I enjoy your blog very much, I am one of those who can't quite understand why you do what you do, but you are witty and have found a relatively harmless outlet rather than developing an eating disorder or some other equally self-destructive habit. I'm also very flattered that you read my blog. Thanks!
in my head I am much faster and coordinated than I really am. My chest and uh...backside, are a little smaller so that the clothes I wear actually look like the guys in the ad, and people stop saying "ya know who you remind me of? that guy on King of Queens."
In my head, my mustache is as dark and thick as any New York Italian man, I have 2 double chins, I come accross as a real snot, I'm forgetful and not any good at my job.
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